SHOULD Everyone Like You When You Speak?
When you speak, is it important that everyone in the audience likes you?
Do you want them to agree with everything you say?
Before you give a knee-jerk response, give some thought to these questions.
If theyโre honest with themselves, many speakers will answer โYesโ to both.
Hereโs one word of advice, if these are your goals:
STOP!
Why Shouldn’t This Be Your Objective
If your goal is to be totally loved and to gain 100% agreement every time you speak, youโre not making an impact.
The best, most-impactful speakers are those that aspire to change the way you think, feel, or act. They are like-able.ย But, this doesnโt mean the audience will agree with everything theyย say.ย
How can I write this?
Because of experience. Early in my speaking career, I focused on sounding flawless and making sure everyone liked me.
What do you think the outcome was?
No impact.
When I finished speaking, people would politely applaud.ย Additionally, they said kind words of support like โgood jobโ or โyouโre very polished.โย Eventually, I understood the true meaning of these words:
โNice try, but, youโre forgettableโ
And forget me they did.
A Friend Opens Up My Eyes
My speaking turned around the day I received candid advice from my friend Kay.ย She’s also a professional speaker. She said, โMichael, your speeches sound โcanned.โโ I said, โWhat do you mean, canned?โ She replied, โYouโre trying too hard to come across as perfect. Everything is in place โ your hair, your suit, your tie.ย But your message isnโt coming across because youโre not talking with the audience. Youโre talking at them.โ
I didnโt like hearing those words. But, sheโs a good friend, and she knew I needed to hear them.
And she was right. I watched the video recordings and listened to the audio. It became clear how much I sounded like a โspeaker.โ
I wasn’t connecting because I wasnโt including the audience in my presentations.ย I was barreling through my memorized talk ,afraid of not getting out the information I wanted to share.
A New Goal When I Speak
As a result of this insight, my goal changed. I focused on being conversational in my speeches, and stopped worrying about perfection.
In addition, I picked up an understanding of audiences. I learned that no matter what you do, some people in the audience will not like you or your topic. It doesnโt matter what your intent, or the makeup of the group.
You canโt change this fact. Someone in the audience may be thinking (fill in the blank with those characteristics that might apply to you:
โI donโt like this speaker because:
โHeโs a man / Sheโs a womanโ
โHeโs white / Sheโs black / Heโs Asian / Sheโs from the Middle Eastโ
โHeโs too short / Sheโs too tallโ
โHeโs ugly / Sheโs too prettyโ
โHeโs got all his hair / Sheโs a blondeโ
The list is endless. Pick any stupid reason and somebody out there may be thinking it.
Who’s Problem Is It?
I’m assuming you want to be a speaker who provides benefit to the majority of your audience. If that’s true, never forget this:
If someone in the audience doesnโt like you, itโs that personโs problem, not yours!
Youโre just not the right speaker for that individual.ย Donโt let that person affect the impact you could have on the rest of the audience.
If you take nothing else from this post, remember the following piece of wisdom. It’s fromย my coach, Craig Valentine, who passed it on to me a couple of years ago:
No matter what you do, youโre always going to be TOO something for somebody.
There is one part of your presentation you’ll never be able to controlย — the pre-conceived notions and prejudices of your audience. Let go of any need you may have to change them.
Focus on the benefits of your message. Challenge your audience to a new way of thinking, feeling or acting. The majority of the people who hear you will walk away better for the experience.
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