(This is the second of four posts about quickly gaining buy-in to your message. If you missed the first post, click here)
You’ve opened your story and your audience is leaning in to hear more. You’ve created tension and the cortisol is pumping through their bodies.
Now it’s time to develop a bond with them. This is the point where you begin to earn their trust.
How Do You Do That?
Create the release of oxytocin in the listener.
This neurotransmitter is released when you hear a sensory-rich and emotional story. It creates trust and human connection.
The way to do this is to share your struggles, strife, or setbacks. Tell about a time when you faced a challenge that you could’t overcome by yourself.
This is not the time to talk about your accomplishments and your successes.
When you tell others about your difficulties, you create empathy. Audiences have thoughts like:
“I’ve been there”
“I can relate”
“Sounds familiar”
These reactions also lead to the belief, “If this person is willing to share their difficulties, I can trust them.”
This isn’t a conscious thought, it usually occurs under the radar in our subconscious.
Why This Works
This is important because you’re showing the audience that you’re like them. We tend to trust people who are like us.
When you’re in a leadership position, this is vital. It strips away titles and positions, and creates a human connection.
In the last post, you read about my boss telling me, “You’re a lousy speaker. And your stories suck.”
Here’s the backstory to that incident:
When I was six years old, I got in trouble in school. My punishment was that I had to stand on my desk during nap time. All my classmates would see me.
I stood on that desk for 45 minutes. When I stepped down, I thought, “Never stand in front of people again. That was awful.”
For the next twenty five years, I never volunteered to stand in front of people. When work duties forced me to, I was terrified people would laugh at and humiliate me.
I’d buried that incident for decades, until I boss threatened to fire me because of my poor speaking skills. Now I had to deal with it, or lose my job.
When I share this story with audiences, I hear feedback like,
“I had something similar happen to me.”
“My third grade teacher embarrassed me”
“My bad experience makes me fear making a mistake every time I speak.”
This story bonds me with audiences. They trust me when I tell them, “That experience is the reason I’m an author, trainer and speaker today. I know the pain of embarrassment, humiliation and regret. My purpose is to help you avoid that pain. I want to help you succeed without going through the time, money and emotion I did.”
The Oxytocin Impact
At this point, I’ve earned a higher level of trust with the audience. I’ve been vulnerable enough to share a painful memory which sets up my ‘WHY?”
Oxytocin is now flowing through their bodies. They’re open to new ideas and taking action that will improve their lives.
They trust you and you’re in a position to trigger another emotion. This one will encourage them to take action.
You’ll read about that in the next post.
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"Michael transformed our everyday managers into conference presenters by coaching them and by challenging the traditional methods they were using to present. The outcome was phenomenal.
Our conference was elevated to a new level of professionalism. Michael will be retained to help make our trainers become better communicators, both visually and verbally and to assist us with next year’s conference. We highly recommend him and Speaking CPR to assist with your next event."
Robert Gerbus, President, Trans Ash, Inc.
Speaking CPR
5
2018-05-10T09:44:06-04:00
Robert Gerbus, President, Trans Ash, Inc.
"Michael transformed our everyday managers into conference presenters by coaching them and by challenging the traditional methods they were using to present. The outcome was phenomenal. Our conference was elevated to a new level of professionalism. Michael will be retained to help make our trainers become better communicators, both visually and verbally and to assist us with next year’s conference. We highly recommend him and Speaking CPR to assist with your next event."
“As a former Green Beret and professional storyteller, I give dozens of speeches every year. I am very selective about who trains me.
Michael Davis exceeded every expectation and was one of the best coaches I ever worked with. His quiet professionalism, and unsurpassed knowledge of storytelling helped make my Ted X Cincinnati talk extremely powerful. I would recommend Michael, as a story and speaking coach to anyone with a high stakes talk to give. Michael will help you take your speech from good to great!”
LTC (Ret.) Scott Mann, Green Beret, Storyteller, Trainer, Coach, Author
Speaking CPR
5
2018-05-10T09:45:38-04:00
LTC (Ret.) Scott Mann, Green Beret, Storyteller, Trainer, Coach, Author
“As a former Green Beret and professional storyteller, I give dozens of speeches every year. I am very selective about who trains me. Michael Davis exceeded every expectation and was one of the best coaches I ever worked with. His quiet professionalism, and unsurpassed knowledge of storytelling helped make my Ted X Cincinnati talk extremely powerful. I would recommend Michael, as a story and speaking coach to anyone with a high stakes talk to give. Michael will help you take your speech from good to great!”
“We are privileged to have Michael Davis of Speaking CPR as one of the Speaker Coaches for ourTED x Cincinnatievent. I had the opportunity to be on several of the calls with Michael as he worked his craft with his speakers.I was impressed with howgenuine, exuberant, and in touchhe was with each speaker.
He truly has agift in connecting with the heart of each personhe works with and helping them to unleash their story into their talk.All of the speakersraved about his work with them.Each of them has had broad experience in speaking, but they all felt that working with Michael raised the bar on their ability to speak. You can listen to all of his speakers, Anthony Munoz, Richard Bernstein and Graeme Joffe, at http://www.tedxcincinnati.com/talks/.”
Allison Wonders Gars Speaker Coach Manager, TED x Cincinnati
Speaking CPR
5
2018-03-20T17:08:04-04:00
Allison Wonders Gars Speaker Coach Manager, TED x Cincinnati
“We are privileged to have Michael Davis of Speaking CPR as one of the Speaker Coaches for our TED x Cincinnati event. I had the opportunity to be on several of the calls with Michael as he worked his craft with his speakers. I was impressed with how genuine, exuberant, and in touch he was with each speaker. He truly has a gift in connecting with the heart of each person he works with and helping them to unleash their story into their talk. All of the speakers raved about his work with them. Each of them has had broad experience in speaking, but they all felt that working with Michael raised the bar on their ability to speak. You can listen to all of his speakers, Anthony Munoz, Richard Bernstein and Graeme Joffe, at http://www.tedxcincinnati.com/talks/.”
“Investing in Michael is one of the best investments I have ever made. I speak on the subject of diversity in the workplace, which can at times be a difficult topic to discuss.
Michael taught me a repeatable process that allows me to create a foundational concept, a logical structure, an opening that grabs the audience’s attention, and a conclusion that encourages my audience to take action that will save them time and money.
I found Michael easy to work with, flexible with his schedule, and a wealth of information about the art of speaking. If you need to improve your presentation or speech, I highly recommend you consider hiring Michael. It is one of the best investments you can make in your own growth.”
Natalie Holder Founder, QUEST Diversity
Speaking CPR
5
2018-03-20T17:33:18-04:00
Natalie Holder Founder, QUEST Diversity
“Investing in Michael is one of the best investments I have ever made. I speak on the subject of diversity in the workplace, which can at times be a difficult topic to discuss. Michael taught me a repeatable process that allows me to create a foundational concept, a logical structure, an opening that grabs the audience’s attention, and a conclusion that encourages my audience to take action that will save them time and money. I found Michael easy to work with, flexible with his schedule, and a wealth of information about the art of speaking. If you need to improve your presentation or speech, I highly recommend you consider hiring Michael. It is one of the best investments you can make in your own growth.”