How One Word Can Dramatically Increase The Bond With Your Listener

An Ideal Audience Response

Imagine you’ve completed an energetic and engaging presentation. You’re feeling terrific about the interaction with your audience.

People approach you to share their appreciation. A common phrase you hear from them is, “I feel like you were talking directly to me.’

This is one of the most rewarding types of feedback speakers can receive.

But, most presenters don’t hear these types of comments. It’s not because they’re poor presenters. It’s because they make a common error. This stops them from developing that deeper connection with listeners.

You can overcome this mistake by making one simple change:

Rather than focus your comments on “I” or “me”, use the word “you.”

Why “You “ Is More Effective Than “I” Or “Me”

Using “you” in presentations is more effective because it directly addresses the audience. It focuses attention on them rather than the speaker, whose experiences and opinions are less emphasized. The focus is on those of the listener.

This creates empathy and understanding because the audience feels heard and seen. This also keeps them engaged and interested.

This can lead to a deeper understanding of the subject. It can also encourage a greater commitment to taking action on the ideas.

Consider the following passage:

“For years that little voice in my head kept telling me, “You’ve got nothing important to say!” or “Who would want to listen to you?”

“Have you ever had a little voice say something like that to you?

“How did that impact your confidence or your willingness to stand up in front of a group and speak?”

Although the beginning is about me, I turn it back to the audience with two questions. This serves dual purposes:

One, it creates involvement by encouraging them to answer a question.

Two, then goes deeper by asking them to think about the implication of their answer.

The emphasis of the question is on them.

In contrast, focusing on “I” or “me” creates a sense of distance and disconnection. The audience is less likely to see themselves reflected in the speech. This can lead to boredom or disengagement, as the audience is less invested in the content.

An Example Of The Power Of “You”

In first grade, I experienced a humiliating incident. It created a deep seated fear of standing in front of other people. In original versions of the story, I said this:

“When I was a kid, I loved to entertain people and make them laugh. I was also a bit of a ham. That’s why, one day during indoor recess, I have this thought, “I am so bored…. I’m gonna jump up on my desk and have some fun.

“I jump up and start telling silly kid jokes. I’m making all kinds of noises and making faces. I’m pointing at people in the room. I’m having a ball!”

This may be interesting to the listener. But they’re hearing it from an outsider’s perspective. There’s no emotional engagement.

With a couple of brief additions, I can create the connection:

“When I was a kid, I loved to entertain people and make them laugh. I was also a bit of a ham. That’s why, one day during indoor recess, I have this thought, “I am so bored…. I’m gonna jump up on my desk and have some fun.

“Imagine you’re standing in the middle of a classroom of six year olds during indoor recess.

“What do you see?

“What do you hear?

“Now, imagine a shorter version of me — I’m only six years old after all— standing on top of the desk.

“I start telling silly little kid jokes. I’m making all kinds of noises and making faces. I’m pointing at people in the room. I’m having a ball!”

By adding you-focused questions, I bring the audience into the scene. This triggers their memories. They’ve been six years old. They’ve been in a room full of rambunctious kids. They’ve done something as kids they knew would get them in trouble.

This creates emotional engagement and a deeper interest in your story.

Speak To One And Connect With All

There is one ineffective way to use this technique. If you speak to everyone in the room, you do not maximize the impact of the word “you.”

What does this mean?

When you hear phrases like, “How many of you?” or “I’m sure some of you have…” you’re not talking to the individual, you’re speaking to the group.

There’s a simple test to help you understand why this group-speak isn’t effective:

Imagine you’re walking down a hallway and you see one friend coming from the other direction. Would you say, “Where all of you going to lunch today?” or “How many of you are attending the meeting?”

Remember, you’re talking to one person.

More likely you’re going to say, “Where are going to lunch?” or “Are you attending the meeting?

The word “you” makes audience members feel you’re individually speaking to them.

Do you want to connect at a deeper level with your next audience?

Focus on your audience and make them feel you’re speaking directly to them. Use the word “you” (or a variation of it) as much as possible. You’ll be happy with the increased impact you have on your next audience!

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